Things I didn't get to say (unedited)

While I walk into the future
I still remember you
Embracing the thorns of truth
Allowing you space to live , breathe and feel your world tailored without me

Reason dictates you go west and I east
And yet again at the circumference of our paths
Our worlds meet
It is probably inevitable that I shall never have you completely
It is inevitable that you will always remain with me
It is inevitable that I will hurt when you're near
It is inevitable that I will hurt when your absence glares


We have spoken unspoken words in statements served in edited form
Having faith in the fortune we've foretold
 A truth that will never be told ...at least not now
We have shared a many blissful nights
We have shared a love that still remains and withstands the fight
 after all its a love that's true
A love that's pure

We commit the sin of caging this love
So innocent
A love that must be
We commit this sin for the sake of what has been and still is ...and possibly will remain ...
We commit this sin against the "right " for another "right"

I shall not forget you
There is an unnamed vein that streams from the centre of my heart to the core of my mind
it is today I name that vein ...."You"

Meditate if you will
And savour these words
Some may say that the fight I've endured
It should have taught me to still my tongue

But this unexplainable tug at my heart
This cloaked knot between us
With honesty I shall honour it

And say the things I didn't get to say ....in person

It wasn't the sensuality in your eyes that moved me
To an almost uncontrollable state of nervousness

It was the unexplainable fact that whispered
"I belong to you "

It wasn't your smile that made me blush

It was the splendour that came with knowing I'm the cause

It wasn't my fingers that fanned out the wonders of your hair against my melting skin
Or my nostrils permanently scented with your essence

It was that everyday your smell was different ...
I could tell when your scent gets excited , its smell was that of lavender and freshly grounded cocoa beans
When you missed me , you smelled of blended apples

It was the fact that every little detail changed when "you" were with me ..

It wasn't the indescribable tremours that stirred feverishly when we hugged

It was knowing that there is where I belonged
It was knowing that I found home ...

Talking to you hurts
And not talking is worse

being in your presence chews at my mental wires
Causing common sense and composure to flicker uncontrollably like the most important lamp post in my soul ...perched at the junction of showing my love and loving you but not showing it ...what awkward cross roads ....either route "I simply fall for you " - and that becomes the fatal accident ....
the only cure is to nurse my self on the happy moments I shared with you

It was knowing that I was ready and willing to propose to you ..

It was scary that I was willing to sacrifice my last pint of blood to protect you

It was scary that I was always naked ...
My fears
My love
My all was naked to you

It was frightening that you are my first true love
My first poem
The ozone layer of my heart
Your absence destroys by day
And memories strengthen by night

These are probably some of the things I didn't get to say in person
And the most hurtful part is that "I'm in love with you" still
You are the lotus flower of my sea
And I still dream of "adorn"ing you ..
"Body and soul "
With this love that belongs to you ...