Can I be Honest ?

Can I be honest ?
I wana
Sing!
Laugh !
And play with u !
On a summer day of the star I named after you

Apart of me still remembers ... Almost vividly
Why the scars you've given me are the worst reminders that monsters are real..

Can I be honest ?
You are my favourite monster
Yes !
 U scare the doubt in me
The real me rises to the surface of my lips and u taste it ... So eloquently with the breath of ur stare
And I love it
 You are my favourite infection and I love
To feel sick with "you "!....
Your temporary moments of making me feel as though you'd actually love me . Made me feel real
And When the moments cease I feel plastic ... And the dullness of life ...is but a Ghastly prospect
 Poisons my space .... For you are life .. Distilled !

Can I be honest ?
I'm longing to scratch the inner surface of me that's longing to kick ,pull, push and scream and tell you
 how much I want to stay!
How much I want to stay!
How much I want to stay !


Can I be honest ?
I hate the way u left me
If not for intellect .. Hmmm
My reaction ..probably would have been psychotic towards both of us
U snatched my lungs
And smoked them with harsh truth
A truth I already knew but .. Couldn't u have consulted with your conscience ?
After aLl its the least I deserved after neglecting me and loving u
Neglecting me and loving u
Neglecting me
And loving u ......
 

Honestly speaking ....
If I saw u .. ... Deep within the crevices of me
I'd still want to taste , love and adore u
With all of me and the extra I grew to support the me you killed with ur unreciprocated love

But I'd lie
Pretend like I really don't care
Pretend like happy is my permanent lip colour
Pretend like eyes no longer wish to discover the forests of ur words or connection
Pretend like I couldn't hear ur heart beat calling me
Pretend like my heart isn't turning blue ..or eyes evoking blood ..
Pretend like I'd never love u ..again
Pretend like the option of friendship is cool
When none of the above are true

Can I be honest ?
I too , am confused
I don't love you .....
I love the pictures and memories of us before you scalded my tongue ...
My dear you'd never taste the same again
And regardless of how much ... I paint the waLls with forget ... The grains of hurt .. Distorts the finished .. Feel ...


And friendship ?
It's just a reminder that I wanted you
And that maybe I still want you
And that I loved you..
And maybe .. I'd still love you ..
Friendship ...hmmm
Its the next best option
But a mere dream
And its just a connection that would lead to my dying slowly ...