The Oath!

12 days after our break up
I finally decided that I'll take my first step onto the road of moving on .....

After 12days of trying to change ur mind ....
Saying sorry for all the times I didn't upset u and thought I did

Crying for when I called ur phone , the first line I was greeted with - " ARE U SERIOUSLY CALLING ME ?"

12 days of remembering the night before the " break -up" we had the most spiritually binding " make every part of me cum " kind of sex

12 days of remembering how much ur lips owned the skin on my neck ...

12 days of remembering what u said : " u r not what I want "

After these 12 days ... I made an oath

I will never call ur phone and hang up just cuz my heart was on its last breath
Even though those few seconds of hearing u say " hello ? , hello ? , helllllloooo ? ..... Ok bye ! "
Yes that was magic , enough food to appease my almost inconsolable heart for a day longer ......

I made an oath ...
Not to check ur facebook page
Hoping that u'll leave me little clues that u want me back and yes .... Every time I checked ur page I ignored the pic of ur girlfriend splashed across ur time line

I made an oath to avoid creating fake twitter accounts , just to see u unleash ur real thoughts ... To cry when u cry , to be there when u feel misunderstood ... Cuz that's unconditional love .... A love that was spat on by rejection .... For 12 days !

I made an oath not to sign into Gtalk anymore cuz knowing that u didn't block me gave me an insecure unrealistic orgasmic hope
Knowing that ... Ur online and I'm online ... And knowing that u know I'm online ... The feeling of us dwelling in any kind of space ... Made me feel ur spirit through those fibre optic cables ....
Every time .. My fingers approached the keys to regurgitated everything that could possibly bring u back to me ... The fear of rejection for the 13th time shocked my thoughts .. Froze them before they drooled out of my finger tips  

I made an oath
Not to listen to the music u sent me
Cuz we made love to each song
Exchanged the virgin of our spirits with each word sung ... And I still feel those exchanged parts making love to me .. To my soul

I made an oath
Not to pay attention to my skin
For the first time u gave my complexion perfection ..... With every kiss ... Or graze of the endearment that aligned ur sensitive nose

I made an oath
Not to spend too much time paying attention to my lips
Draping the lip gloss perfectly to highlight the smooth texture of each line

Now when I look at my lips ... I see urs
The many nights u made love to me just ... Kissing my lips as we lay ...naked ..legs inter locked ... Fingers glued in romantic hugs


The first time I cried when u evoked a nervousness from caressing each line on my lips with the electrifying taste buds of ur tongue
Every line on my lips now mirror u
Remembers u
Buried the taste of u
And sometimes I bite them
Hoping that the ghost of u would be resurrected
Instead
It hurts ........
And I just miss u more

So with these oaths I sealed myself
Masked my face with a brittle shell of strength and I made my first baby steps on this heated . Char coaled paved road

Day one of keeping the oath - here goes !

Woke up @ 6 am
got to work
After the first five hours of the day slipped by
I figured
Hmmm ya know , maybe I'm stronger than I thought
But its later I'd discover what was locked away ... Inside
As night sauntered in
It was time for the real test
Me and the 4 walls
Alas .....
I'm home in bed
And the truth became clear
That the real box ....
Was in my head .....
I was stuck in a room
In my mind
The more I tried to forget u
The faster the roller coaster spun
Caged in this box
The room spins and twirls
On the walls are flashing images of u .. Images of us
Sweet memories
Memories I tasted ... And now couldn't touch

The room stops
My vision now channeled in a tunnel that reflects a light beaming everything we were , did and could have been

So in desperation
I crawled
Crawled towards my laptop
So confused
Signed into facebook and signed out
Signed into a fake twitter aCcount. , almost searched for ur name and I signed out
Signed into Gtalk .... Oh crap !
He's online
I'm Still stuck in tunnel vision mode
 So I .....
Messaged him
" Hey hope ur ok , hope u had a gud day ... B gud "
He replied " straight face icon"

That's all I needed
A reply
Any reply
To freeze the pain
To halt the massacre to my mind
Guess love does anything
Challenges anything
Ignores the logic of everything
Endures anything
Until love .... Itself stops breathing